I have to say, living alone for a very long time has made me really, really funny. To me.

Tweeted by me, Sept. 5, 2009

It’s finally come time for me to admit something. It’s been out there in plain sight; people who cared to look would have immediately seen my dark and disturbing “secret”. But I need to say it. To own it.

Wow, this is tougher than I thought it would be. OK, here goes:

I pretty much only “favorite” my own tweets on Twitter.

Phew! Man, do I feel better!

Sorry to burden you all with that. I know it’s sad, and the fact that you’re willing to stick with me and wade through such a disturbing truth is what makes you a true friend or unfortunate random reader. And I love you for it. (Unless of course you only favorite your own tweets. In which case, get away from me, freak!)

There’s a reason I don’t favorite tweets from other people, though: they would get in the way of my awesome tweets. So really, I just have your best interests at heart. (And by “your”, I mean “my”.)

In all seriousness–because there is literally nothing more serious on our entire planet–you can get those other people’s tweets anywhere. They’re laying around all over the place. But my own favorite things that I’ve said on Twitter? Where else can you get that? Answer me!!

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nowhere, tough guy. That’s where. Now don’t you feel bad for implying that I was mentally ill or some sort of egocentric weirdo earlier in this post?

I really hope not, because if so you are very susceptible to persuasive rhetoric. Almost too much so. You did nothing wrong. And even if you did, it was coming from a good place. I know you only want what’s best for me, true friend or unfortunate random reader.

Now go read my favorite tweets, you easily-persuadable teddy bear! Here are a smattering of my favorite favorites to whet your appetite:

When I get on a rhyming kick, I start trying to will new words into the English language. The results so far have been sanguage.

I bet the guy who created “apostrophe s” has second thought’s about it now.

If you consider Beetlejuice as an existential pre-rendering of “Dirty Work”, Norm McDonald seems a lot more like a visionary.

P.S. – I did not waterboard those butterflies. And if I did, I didn’t know about it. And if I did know about it, I was misled.

…wondering if it’s a problem that every business plan I make, whether for my project or others’, somehow involves taking over the world.

DNKT = Did Not Know That, BTW. (BTW = By The Way, FWIW. {FWIW = For What It’s Worth, FYI. [FYI = For Your Information, in case you DNKT.]})

Little-known fact: I put the bop in the bop shi-bop shi-bop. But then I took it back out. It was so noisy!

Twitter’s like people-watching IRL–except the people you’re watching get a little note that says, “I’m watching you.”

Like what you see? There’s more of that, plus links to a bunch of cool resources, in my Twitter Favorites.

Do you have a favorite favorite tweet of mine? Post it in the comments! (<– a really clever scam to generate a big copyright infringement lawsuit against my fans) (<– a not-so-clever way to accidentally discourage comments) (<– ignore those two; they’re just being silly)